The dogs was sittin’
Sighin’ out loud
One dog says, “let’s get out of this crowd”
They ran to the country
Pantin’ all the way
The sun went down
So they said, “Let’s stay”
Shiverin’ and shakin’
Frozen to the feet

So they built themselves a fire
Got ‘em all in heat
Pat each other on the back
And they wander off to bed
Then the spaceship came
Flashin’ green an’ blue an’ red

All the dogs wake up an’ they hide behind a tree
Say “we gotta tell somebody but they won’t believe we”
Say “we gotta take a picture, that is what we gotta take”
But the camera’s broke, so they chuck it in the lake
Then they got themselves a real spaceman
Lookin’ like a buncha needles sticking’ out a tin can
The dogs went crazy runnin’ fast as they could go
The spaceman FLASHES at ‘em and they all just froze

When the dogs came to they was ridin’ in the sky
At a million miles an hour
That’s the only way to fly
One dog’s cryin’ ‘cause he’s hungry and he’s scared
So the other dogs hug him
And they tell him “there, there”
But they all get nervous when the door open wide
An ugly spaceman kinda twirl inside
He says “we gonna take your brains ‘cause we need ‘em for our food”
Then they hear a big explosion
The dogs go “oooooo”

Yeah, the dogs look out the window
There’s another spaceship shootin’ laser beams at ‘em
And they just got hit
The dogs start screamin’ that it ain’t no fun to fly
‘Cause the place is on fire and they know they’re gonna die
But then they all turn purple
They really start to soar
‘Cause the other spaceship is a-beamin’ them aboard
The dogs look around and they can’t believe it’s true
‘Cause there’s Audie Murphy and John Wayne too

The dogs all say “hey, we thought you was dead”
John and Audie just smiled and this is what they said:
“Listen up, little doggies. Heroes don’t die.
They just go up in the spaceship and they fly, fly, fly.
You must be pretty hungry.”
All the dogs say “yes.”
Audie gives them each a steak, say “don’t you worry ‘bout the mess.”
John say “we’ll drop you off on this planet right here
‘cause we think you’re gonna like it an’ you got no need to fear.”

Well, all the dogs say “thank you
Thank you kindly for the ride.”
And they muster up the courage and they step outside
They was on the planet Andern
And it looked OK
(Well, they had to learn to like it
‘Cause it’s where they had to stay.)
One dog says, “Well, I know I seen worse,
but why couldn’t John and Audie just bring us back to Earth?”
Then his eyes opened wide, kinda horrified and shocked
‘Cause the dog that he was talkin’ to just turned into a rock.

Well, the dog looked for his buddies but one was now a shoe
And one’s a chair, and one’s a snare, and one’s a tub of glue
He started feelin’ stiff an’ when he looked at himself
He was a ceramic elf
Every one of them dogs, they was thinkin’: “Wow,
this is the worst that can happen, nothin' worse can happen now.”
Then the planet started movin’, it was herkin’ and jerkin’
‘Cause that was when gravity stopped workin’.
The dogs yell “help” and they can’t believe their eyes
‘Cause they’re speedin’ past planets a thousand times their size
All the stars and planets lookin’ awful unstable
Like a buncha bumper balls on a bumper pool table
The only thing that’s makin’ ‘em happier than frogs:
All the speed and the excitement turned ‘em back into dogs
No time congratulations, got no time to say “when”
A big ol’ flamin’ steamin’ meteor is headin’ straight for them

All the dogs was struck dumb when they saw it comin’ toward
But all at once they started screamin’ “Help us Lord!”
God was pretty busy, he was writin’ a song
But when Jupiter flew past him he knew something was wrong
He picked up his little finger, cleared his throat and said “Stop”
It all got real quiet, you could hear a pin drop
But the dogs flew off the planet soon as God stopped the race
They was spinnin’, they was stranded, they was lost in space

Well, the dogs all hopin’ they don’t float into the sun
But then they see the monolith from “2001”
They’re climbin’ all aboard and they can’t believe their luck
‘Cause it got a steerin’ wheel, you can drive it like a truck
One dog got the compass and one got the beer
And they’re happy ‘cause they know that home is near
But a couple minutes later they was all outta mirth
‘Cause the wind changed direction and they flew past Earth

Well, the dogs kept flyin’ (it started gettin’ weird)
They was right in the middle of a strange atmosphere
But when they got through all the lights and the fog
They landed on a planet that worshipped the dog
They was all made kings on this brave new land
And they ruled with a fair and gentle hand
They was happy forever, and they all stayed friends
Now ain’t that a nice way for a song to end?

That’s what happened to the dogs
That’s what happened to the dogs
That’s what happened to the dogs